Colonoscopy 1 — Getting Ready

How it all began….

 

One day in 2013 I  hit the ripe old age of 50.  I figured the half century mark would not really be that big of a deal… right?   Well several days after my birthday, my health insurance provider sent me a mail message to remind me of my upcoming appointment.  I had not scheduled any “upcoming appointments” so I canceled whatever it was.   My Doctor was none too happy with me and called me personally to let me know that he had scheduled the appointment (who cares if I could actually make it on the scheduled date and time).   When I inquired as to why he felt so led to schedule an appointment for me he told me that I had hit 50 years old and the computer flagged me as being ready for a colonoscopy!   All I could picture was my supervisor from 20 years ago who periodically

had to have the procedure done.  He affectionately referred to it as “Riding the Silver Stallion.”  

Thanks for the imagery Dr. L.     That was back when I was 30 and had no thoughts of having any such procedure done anytime soon.  I was not even thinking about 20 years in the future… My how time flies!!!  So here I am 20 years and 70 thousand dollars in salary increases later… now awaiting the my first colonoscopy procedure.

 

Its not just a one stop shop deal any more.   Now in order to make the test easier the preferred method is to put the patient to sleep.  Then its slam, bam, thank you… Doc (I tired to think of a word to rhyme with Doc but nothing came to mind.  Well you get the picture.)  Now however you have to first go in for a consultation so that they describe to you in very graphic detail (only thing missing was the powerpoint presentation) exactly what they will be doing.   Then you get a packet of information and prescription for a prep kit.  

What’s in the prep kit?  Well it depends.  My fiance got what seemed like the nice preferable and already prepared solution.   I had to mix two powdered substances (one being lemon flavoring… YUM!) with water over a period of time.  Also included was an OTC laxative and antiflatulence (GAS-X) pills.  Prep kit sound nice, generic and mundane.   Truth be told…. they clean you out so that there is nothing to block the scope from seeing your intestinal walls.  (Sounds like a I have a medical degree, huh?).  Here I am the day before.  My “cocktail” has been prepared and is being refrigerated, I have orange Jell-O in the fridge and can only drink clear fluids that do not have any red or blue dye (yes, orange is fine).  My last solid food was my son’s birthday cake last night.  One good thing that will come of this is that I will lose a few pounds in the process.  I’ve been trying to get some weight off but every time I lose it, I find it again.  Well drastic times call for drastic measures!   The trick will be keep it off.

One thing I found out about colonoscopies too, ask anybody about them.  Everybody has an opinion.  Good, bad, wrong, or indifferent.  Why, there’s even a dummies book out on the subject!  Not saying that you are one if you read it… I’m just saying its out there.

So this is my weekend with my kids and I am at the point where now I can’t eat and I have sit around and smell food getting prepared and watch everyone else eat while I sip water, apple juice or other clear liquids.   They say I can have seven up or ginger ale.   Seriously?  I’m already going into a procedure that is going produce gas… why in the word do I want to add to it prematurely?  Go figure.

 

Well I of course am not anxious about this or anything and I am very relaxed and ready to grab the bull by the horns (hmmmm wrong imagery there) and get this job done.  Tomorrow is the big day, but today is the one I need to make it through!  And yes… I will be posting an after action blog report.   Until next time!